Once upon a time...

I suppose I should warn that it's possible that this will be a really long post.

I got into an email discussion with Siel over at greenlagirl.com a few weeks ago about fair trade coffee and Starbucks. A long time ago, in my youth, I was a lowly barista (this was actually last year) Siel is concerned with Fair Trade Coffee and how the Bux says that is available any time, all you have to do is ask. That, of course, is the short version. Starbucks says that all of its coffee are fair trade, however only one of their coffees, Cafe Estima, is Fair Trade Certified. I emailed her because I enjoy playing devil's advocate, I wanted to learn about her encounters with the Green Aprons and because I was interested. I tried to offer her an "insiders" view of the situation and offer any help or suggestions I could.

Talking with her and reading her blog about her attempts at living a green lifestyle out in LA made me think about my days at Loyola, a Jesuit University.

When I went to Loyola, I had no idea what it meant to get a Jesuit education.

While there, I got very interested in the ideals of the Jesuits, especially Social Justice. However, ever since I've been out of school, I have not thought about things that mattered to me when I was there. The environment and the constant reminders and the people surrounding you doing good things and being involved really spurred me. But now that I'm in Milwaukee and none of my friends here even know what social justice is, I feel like I've lost sight of the things that were important to me while I was in school.

So does that mean that I don't (and didn't) really believe in them? Was I just pretending? Or have I just lost sight of things.

My graduation program lists that I was joining the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. I had the application all filled out. Twice. And I never mailed it in. It's still something I'm interested in and every few weeks the idea of it pops back into my head, but I'm still not sure if it's what I want to do. We're not just talking a year of volunteer work in a different city. I want to do Jesuit Volunteer International. I want to spend two years in Peru. I want to use the things I learned at Loyola, in and out of the classroom, to make a difference somewhere a lot less fortunate than here.

Now that I have no committments, I'm seriously considering applying again. But I'm scared and unsure. And I sure feel like this is something I should be certain about. I feel like it would be wrong to apply and then make the decision based on whether or not I got accepted.

But with so much uncertainty in my head, I feel like this might be the best thing I could do. I'm not happy with life as it is. I hate working stupid jobs just because I need to. I want to put my very expensive education to use. I don't know that my head is in the right place. Maybe this is exactly the sort of thing I need. But then I think that maybe this is too drastic. Maybe I should look into Teach America or teaching English abroad or Peace Corps or something else.

Maybe I don't actually have a clue.
Maybe that's the smartest thing I've said in awhile.

But seriously, how does one go about making such a decision?


Alright, I apologize for the existencial crisis. Next post, I promise, back to the wide world of sports.