Oh Micheal Owen, remember when you were the young phenom who burst onto the scene in England and you were tagged as the next big thing and people were saying "Beckham who?" in light of your pace and quick feet? Remember when you were 18 and playing for the England National Team and you were the toast of the 1998 World Cup? Remember how everyone talked about you and how you were only 18 and how you had years and years of playing to go and "oh, how good he could be."

We remember and we want to know what has happened since then? We feel it's a bit early to be saying it, but how does one become near "has-been" status at 26? Are you capable of not being injured long enough to make some impact? How many metatarsals have you broken?

And do you have something personal against Sven Eriksson? Because your going out makes his choice of only bringing 4 strikers, one of them the questionably fit Wayne Rooney, look asinine. And, if so, what did Sven ever do to you?

And finally, are you as excited as we are to see how badly Sven falls on his face and whether or not 17 year old Theo Walcott is the next you?

Also, we think you're rather cute and we love the story that you married your high school sweetheart. But we think that if you're going to be only questionable on the field, you need to go the David Beckham route and either 1) find a new, super hot, moderately famous wife or 2) spice up your current wife for public viewing ... and then parade said hottie around. Wear "fashion forward clothing" or man capris a la Rafael Nadal. Give yourself a fauxhawk. Become famous for something other than getting injured and your injuries won't matter.

Good luck!