Thursday, March 30, 2006
You'd be amazed at what a google image search for trophy wife brings up.
<---This is the best I could come up with.
Forget the job search, my new life goal is to be a trophy wife.
All I'm saying is that I've got all the qualifications and more. Sure, I won't be throwing garden parties for the junior league, but I promise to be vacuous and vacant in exchange for satellite tv for Badger and Packer game and being allowed to attend the sporting events you usually only take your clients too. I even promise to like whatever team you want, as long as they aren't in the Big Ten and aren't the Minnesota Vikings or Chicago Bears. I'll learn players. I'll learn history. Hey, I did it for fun with LSU when I moved to Louisiana, I'll definitely do it for you.
Imagine my versatility. Instead of just showing me off to your clients, I'll be talking box scores with them! You can hold meetings and I'll take the other clients to a baseball game. And you don't even have to spring for the boob job.
Why didn't I think of this before?
The wikipedia definition is fairly entertaining, as well as the "Examples in fiction:"
*A Man in Full by Tom Wolfe
*In the Fairly Oddparents episode, "Truth or Cosmoquences", Cosmo pretends to be a millionaire and married to pop singer Britney Britney, for his high school reunion.
*Loretta Tortelli marrying Nick Tortelli (ex-husband of Carla Tortelli) in Cheers
3) Best thing about George Mason’s run to the Final Four? Look at who they beat. They’ve won four games so far, and three of those games came against Michigan State, North Carolina and Connecticut, three of college basketball’s most consistently powerful programs. Short of knocking off Duke as well, there’s not too many other big-name programs that the Patriots could have toppled. It’s neat that George Mason is at the Final Four, but it’s even neater when you consider that they had to knock off three teams that consider the Final Four almost an every-other-year trip.
This is an ohsoobvious point that I'm surprised no one's picked up on. And it makes me have that much more respect for GM.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
So Miller Park's solution is that the vendor is no longer liable. Whoever serves the beer is liable if that drunk decides to drive home and kills himself or others.
Which means that charitable organizations that normally man some of the stands in order to raise money for themselves, now have to take on the liability of serving liquor. Which means that many of them will have to give up working the booths because they can't afford the deductible.
It's very different to make a bartender liable. But a person in a stadium can go to as many different stands to buy beer as they want. And what, the last person to sell them beer is the only one liable? What if someone is showing no signs of being drunk, but later drinks and drives? How was the person selling the beer supposed to know? How can that possibly hold up in court? "Well your honor, they didn't seem drunk."
Look, I get the idea, but I'm not a fan of any rule or law that is as subjective as this appears to be. Some random person attempting to raise money for their kids TBall team can get sued for hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars because a drunk manages to not appear drunk. It's too subjective. There's too many factors. It's too big of a building with too many vendors.
This is like the story that came out last week that cops in Texas are going into bars and arresting them for being drunk. How do they get to decide who to give breathylyzers to? Most of the time they were in hotel bars. So they're arresting people who are going to go right upstairs in the same building and sleep it off. I'd even be ok with it if they waited for the asses to walk out the door, as then they are intending to drive. But walking into a bar and randomly choosing people to arrest because they appear drunk just violates too much for me. Drinking's not illegal, but we're going to arrest you for doing it anyway.
See the Miller Park story here.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Thanks, but no.
So between that and some other issues, I've had a renewed push to apply for jobs all over the country. Journalism is unique and nice because we have a dedicated website where papers all over the world post job openings. It's super convenient and eliminates the annoying job hunt. However, now I have a bazillion and a half resumes and writing samples to send out.
If anyone knows someone who needs a sports or business writer with just a modicum of experience but lots of enthusiasm, I'm totally their guy (or gal, as the case may be).
So I'm applying for sports reporter positions in the podunkiest of towns so that I can get the experience I need for anyone of merit to actually consider me. If anyone knows some good restaurants in Danbury, CT, Scranton, PA, Milledgeville, GA or Herndon, VA, pass them my way.
God I hate this. But at least I'd be doing something I want to do and I wouldn't be living at home anymore. So maybe it's worth the effort...
Triple Overtime! The game took somewhere in the area of 4 and 1/2 hours. They played basically two whole games. One goal was scored that entire time. That means we're working with some absolutely amazing goalies.
Both teams combined for 100 shots, Wisconsin accounting for 60 of those.
Freshman Jack Skille was the hero of the game. The freshman, a first round, #7 overall draft pick of the Chicago Blackhawks, hit a one timer off of two quick passes to finally end the game.
"Skille, who hit the crossbar on one chance and the post on another, finally beat McKee on the 100th shot of the game, 111:13 after the first puck was dropped."
In college hockey, the teams don't switch sides in overtime. Even with each successive overtime, the kept the same side of the ice. There are also no TV timeouts. By the 3rd OT guys were cramping up, barely able to stand. Wisconsin's star, Robbie Earl, crawled off the ice at one point, leg cramps completely seizing him up.
4 1/2 hours of hockey and I was enthralled for all of it. I'm a new to hockey fan, but seriously, I couldn't have picked a better year. The Wisconsin women's team won the National Championship. The men are playing in the Frozen Four, which we're hosting here in Milwaukee.
I wish I could be more articulate, but seriously, it was one hell of a game. It got to the point where I refused to leave the room. I wouldn't even risk taking the time to walk from one TV to another. The open ice hitting was spectacular. And though it's a long ass time, if they ever show a replay (and I'm sure they will, this was a game for the ages) you won't see a better, more physical, more aggressive, game. The goaltending was absolutely the best that I've ever seen. If Wisconsin goalkeeper Brian Elliot hadn't been injured for part of the season, that game would have clinched him the Hobey Baker (college hockey MVP) Award for sure.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
THE WISCONSIN MEN'S HOCKEY TEAM JUST WON IN 3 OT'S (THE LONGEST GAME IN NCAA TOURNAMENT HISTORY) TO GO TO THE FROZEN FOUR. THEY'RE THE ONLY #1 SEED TO MAKE IT TO THE FROZEN FOUR THIS YEAR. THE FROZEN FOUR IS HERE IN MILWAUKEE IN TWO WEEKS!
THEY ARE THE FIRST #1 OVERALL SEED TO MAKE THE FROZEN FOUR IN A BUNCH OF YEARS. INCIDENTALLY, THE LAST OVERAL #1 TO MAKE IT WAS THE TEAM THEY JUST DEFEATED, CORNELL!!
I'M WAY TOO EXCITED. I'LL TYPE MORE LATER AND LINK.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
If your favorite college hockey team is playing in the final 16 of its sport in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and you say you want to watch it and your lady friend offers to Tivo it and make you dinner so that you both can watch it later on Saturday evening, in lieu of a date, do not call said lady friend to let her know that "you cheated" and decided to watch the game at its original air time, so since you don't have plans for later anymore, you're going out with a friend instead.
Yeah. Don't do that.
Not so sadly, as stated below, there will be no chance of a duplicate match up on the men's side, since Minnesota punked out in the first round.
This will be the sixth meeting of these two teams this year, with Wisconsin having won 4 of the 5 games.
The Badgers defeated St. Lawrence to make the final, while Minnesota upset #1 New Hampshire to gain their berth.
The Championship will be played Sunday afternoon in Minnesota and broadcast on CSTV.
The Badgers have had major contributions in the postseason by freshmen. Tia Hanson, who's from Medicine Hat, Alberta ( I really just needed an excuse to type Medicine Hat) scored the lone goal to defeat St. Lawrence and freshman goalkeeper Jessie Vetter made 14 saves in the first period, which included 6:00 of power play minutes for SLU.
Wisconsin has now won 11 consecutive games. UW’s last loss was 3-1 setback at home against Minnesota on Feb. 10.
I dont know if that's good news or bad news. Either way, this is bound to be some fun stuff.
Plus, the men play tomorrow at 1:30 CST and if they win they're on at basically the same time as the women on Sunday.
Look, so I know it's March and everyone's into that basketball business. But last night's games were much better than tonights. So detour with me, if you will (and you will!) to North Dakota for the playoffs of men's hockey. Where lowly Holy Cross, a 4 seed in the west regional, tonight upset 1 seed Minnesota. Fans of every one of the other 14 teams thank you Holy Cross.
Holy Cross 4, Minnesota 3 in sudden death overtime
Fear the purple!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
How do you create happy? If someone asked me if I am happy right now, I'd say no.
But I feel like that's misleading.
And if I can look at myriad parts of my life and say that they are good and ok, but I'm still not happy, where does the blame for that go? Should I be surprised that the sum of the happy parts isn't necessarily happy?
Is it my fault? Can you unconciously choose to be unhappy? How do you know if that's what you're doing?
I want to be able to look at my life and be ok with it, and I don't think I'm at that place.
I haven't moved on from where I was last May and from what has happened since then. Nothing is in the past.
Between leaving New Orleans, breaking up with my ex, my dad dying and Hurricane Katrina, life as I knew it less than a year ago effectively doesn't exist anymore.
It's been months and I still can't imagine my life without my dad in it. I can't believe he won't walk me up the aisle. I can't believe he'll never see my kids. I don't know how to comprehend those things. I don't know if there will ever be a time that I can accept the fact that he's gone. And I feel like most of the time I'm just not dealing with it. Like not thinking about it just makes it all ok.
Do you ever really deal with the death of a parent? People still say things like "oh, my grandma passed away..." or adults tell me, "yeah, my parent passed away too." And it makes me want to scream at them that It's not the same. I've lost two grandparents ... both before I was 16. It's not the same. I know that grief and it doesn't begin to compare. They don't even live on the same continent, they're so far apart. You don't have a clue. And your sympathy makes me want to punch you in the face for its fakeness and insincerity.
And when some 50 year old tries to sympathize, I want to yell at them. If they really thought about it they'd realize that they're being patronizing. It's like they're rubbing it in.
When someone my dad's age says they know what I'm going through, they're parent just passed away, I find it hard to muster sympathy.
They got to have their parent. Their parent saw them live and grow up and get married and have kids. Sure, I understand, you know what it's like to lose a parent, but you don't know what it's like to be 24 and have lost your dad. You got your parent for TWICE ... let me repeat that TWICE as long as I did. So no, you do not know what this is like. Your parent was 70 or 80 and passing away is what someone that age does. You didnt have a dad who's first angioplasty was when you were in 4th grade, or who had quadruple bypass open heart surgery when you were 16 or have a stroke when you were a sophomore in college or get leukemia when you're 24 and die 3 months later. So you know, you deal with that along with that whole growing up thing.
And clearly I'm still SO angry about my dad but it only comes out in bursts and then it goes away into hibernation until something new sets me off.
I want to be able to deal with this loss, but I'm beginning to wonder if that will ever happen. It's so difficult. You can't think about it every day, or every hour, or every minute. And then you feel guilty for not thinking about it all the time. But if I thought about it that much, I'd be even more depressed than I already am. No one can deal with that on a constant basis. And so it all still doesn't seem real. I don't mean that I feel like he's going to come back. But I also can't wrap my mind around what his being gone means.
And I want to be able to move on from here, but I've never really been any good at that. I usually have to do some physical movement in order to facilitate the emotional and mental progression. I know that finally moving out of my mom's place will be such a huge help, but I feel like I'm leaning on that as a crutch. Like I keep thinking that everything would just be ok if I could just get out of here.
And maybe I'm coming off as a mess here. But at least I have a good reason.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Though, I'm sure by Thursday and Friday's games I'll have something to say. Except for this week I can't do nothing but sit around and watch basketball.
Seriously, I feel like last weekends games were forever ago because I'm anticipating this weekend's games so much. Cheesy, I know, but I love the drama of this year's tournament and I want to know who's the next to go down. Also, in my pool, Todd picked Alabama and UAB to the final, with UAB winning ... and he's still in the middle of the standings!
Friday, March 17, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Dear Boo Davis,
I love your name. I love your game. I love that you made today not a total loss. I love that you scored 26 points and had 6 rebounds.
Now, please take your team to the Elite 8 so that UWM gets some real respect and everyone doesn't declare ya'll a fluke.
Finally, thank you for giving me something to rejoice about while I pretend that other game didn't happen.
P.S. - That other game didn't happen.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Yea, Alabama! Drown 'em Tide!
Every 'Bama man's behind you;Hit your stride!
Go teach the Bulldogs to behave,
Send the Yellow Jackets to a watery grave!
And if a man starts to weaken,That's a shame!
For 'Bama's pluck and grit
Have writ her name in crimson flame!
Fight on, fight on, fight on, men!
Remember the Rose Bowl we'll win then!
Go, roll to victory,Hit your stride,
You're Dixie's football pride, Crimson Tide!
Every Bama man's behind you!
Evan Brock prepares for ever Bama man to be behind him
Brodie tells Kevin Darby "No, no, NO! You're supposed to do this from behind me. Cuddle? What a fag!"
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
#7 Marquette vs #10 Alabama Thursday noonish in the Oakland regional in San Diego
Winner meets UCLA/Belmont on Saturday.
#8 Arizona vs #9 Wisconsin Friday noonish in the Minneapolis regional in Philadelphia
Winner meets Villanova/play in game on Sunday.
#11 UWM vs #6 Oklahoma Thursday noonish in the Minneapolis regional in Jacksonville
Winner meets Florida/S. Alabama on Saturday.
Notice UWM and Marquette play at basically the same time. This no good. No good at all. I'm going to end up being at some mutliple screen bar by myself muttering about Elephant Tides and dirty Sooners.
How Chuck Davis' mom keeps him motivated
I'll keep this short and sweet.
"'Bama is statistically underwhelming: not very productive from the three-point line, has a negative turnover margin, is no better than decent defensively"
Also, the word on the street is that the Tide is screwed when their opponents have any sort of bench depth and when they are outsized.
Alabama, meet Ousman Barro and Steve Novak.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
This is the kind of excitement I will have to keep in check during the Marquette - Georgetown matchup in the Big East Tournament this afternoon. I'm tivo-ing the game, but you'd better believe I'll be listening, either on the radio or on my computer.
Good think it's a slow day and I'm just a temp and tomorrow morning are my last couple of hours in this place. I'm sure they'll think I'm weird come 1:00.
I really love this picutre.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Steve Novak was named the #1 individual performance of the season by SI.com for his 41 points against UConn.
Big East Bloggers choose Dominic James Rookie of the Year, Tom Crean Coach of the Year and named Novak to its first team all-conference.
Novak was unanimously chosen to the All-Big East team
Dominic James was a unanimous selection to the Big East All-Freshman team.
Jerel McNeal was also named to the All-Freshman Team
NY Sun article about Big East tourney
Marquette's prize recruiting class of guards Dominic James, Jerel McNeal, and Wes Matthews averages 35 points, 13 rebounds, and 10 assists combined.
Monday, March 06, 2006
*Jennifer Garner's post pregnancy boobs are absolutely huge. Biggest stunner of the night. Then she tripped and I thought they were going to pop out. I swear I paused and rewound her entrance a good three times. Go watch 13 going on 30, then look at a pic of her last night. We're talking less than A cup to at least a C. Amazing.
* While I'm on boobs, Nicole Kidman's keep shrinking. I propose there's a corrollary between how big and stiff her forehead gets and how small her boobs get. The side shots of her on the red carpet were NOT flattering.
** As an addendum, do you think she strictly forbids Keith Urban from walking the red carpet with her? Like she realizes his fabulosity far outweighs hers and that she looks increasingly like a plastic barbie doll next to him?
* I've heard a lot about Jon Stewart and I have to say that I am unconvinced that the flat broadcast was his fault. Clearly we were not seeing 100% all out Jon Stewart. I'm pretty sure he's funnier than that in his sleep. Whoever told him to tone it down should be beaten.
*This was the first year that I had actually seen most of the movies nominated. That rarely happens. It was nice that it was less pretentious and movies that the general public actually watches were honored. Of course, everything I've read has talked about how crappy this year's nominations were. Why is it so bad that we might actually know what the hell is going on?
*There was an absolute lack of stunning dresses. For that matter, aside from Theron, there was a lack of horrible dresses as well. It was a pretty boring, safe red carpet. Must have made E!'s 10 hours of coverage a bit difficult. I mean sure, Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley looked great, but I don't know that they were anything to write home about. I felt like Alba's dress made her pretty fabulous rack look flat and halfway to her hips.
I guess that's all I've got. Lots of boob comments for you!
The Packers re-signed running back Ahman Green to a one-year deal that is going to be worth between $3 million and $5 million.
The contract carries a base value of $2 million, along with $3 million worth of incentives.
Green sold new head coach Mike McCarthy on his dedication and hard work by showing up early this off-season to train for the 2006 season. After coming off an injury plagued 2005 season, Green wanted to show management how much he wanted to be a Packer.
The team responded quickly by not letting him hit the free agent market and agreeing to a deal Sunday night.
Green, 29, has been a star for the Packers since coming to them in 2000 in a trade with the Seattle Seahawks. He had five seasons in which he gained more than 1,100 yards, and he's been a leader of the team.
At the recent NFL Scouting Combine, McCarthy spoke about how important it was for Green to be part of the team and he was hoping for a quick signing. The return of Green could play into the decision making of quarterback Brett Favre, who is contemplating retirement.
Without a running game and because of poor blocking on the interior of the offensive line, Favre struggled. The Packers entered the weekend with the most cap room of any team in the league. They spent their first dollars on a player they couldn't afford to lose.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
This is why I love March.
The University of South Florida beat #20 Georgetown - they're only win in Big East play this year. This win gives Marquette the #4 seed in the Big East tournament and a first round bye.
Ok, ok, admittedly I love this because of the great implications for Marquette. But mostly, I just love games like this. I didn't even watch or bother checking the score. USF is winless going into this game. There's no way they're pulling it off.
Seriously, this is why I love March.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Thank you Go Fug Yourself
And then, despite the fact that he's not so much a celebrity as a celebrity-banger, here's former USC quarterback and soon-to-be-bajillionaire Matt Leinart.
Is it raining there on the carpet? It doesn't look like it, but that would seem to be the only explanation for this "Bachelor Bob meets Adam Levine meets something from Ben Stiller's collection of wigs to be deployed for cinematic parody and hilarity" disaster. It looks plopped on his head with all the ceremony one would afford tossing a garbage bag into the dumpster. The pervy-perilous glint in his eye that says, "I'm'a suffocate you later with my 'pigskin,' you dirty dead minx," certainly doesn't help.
Yet that thing definitely makes him look lot more sexually ambiguous, in a way; this might be Nick Lachey's signal that one half of the same-sex couple everyone's rooting for might finally be ready to settle down -- or at the very least, sit around brushing each other's hair talking about boys and calories and dreamy, dreamy Jake Ryan.
Personally, I think he looks like a younger, pervy-er Pete Rose. And why would anyone go for that look? I mean, I guess when I was done throwing up in my mouth I could agree that Matt Leinart possessed a certain SoCal look that some might find appealing. But this? This looks like he just starred in a high school version of Julius Ceaser. He looks special ed. I'm sticking with my first thought. Extra creepy Pete Rose.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. and furthermore ..
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"
So driving in to work this morning, I heard about this. Apparently Parkinson's disease drugs are tied to sudden, compulsive gambling.
Bush new about Katrina's impending doom, just didn't care.
"Bush didn’t ask a single question during the final government-wide briefing the day before Katrina struck Aug. 29 but assured soon-to-be-battered state officials: 'We are fully prepared.'”
Man unhappy that U.S. papers aren't printing Mohammed cartoon makes 8 foot copies and puts them in his yard. Wants to know what all that fuss is about.
All that craziness about foreign owned ports? Too late.
Three words I never thought I'd type: Bill O'Reilly, Pimp
"You know, I just have one simple request and that is to have sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads. Is that too much to ask?" Apparently not.
This is Milwaukee.